flashbacks

In 2000, Hubby had pneumonia which developed into Empyema and surgery was necessary. His case was so mismanaged here in our hometown that we had to go to Lubbock to save his life. He literally was minutes from death from septicemia. That outcome was eventually very good and he is healthy today.
Wednesday his brother in law was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia, which developed into Empyema and he will be undergoing the same surgery tomorrow afternoon.
Prayers are always appreciated.

Wedding

I just came in from the most unusual wedding I've ever attended. I got to sing, but was only in a quratet leading the congregation in two songs. "You Have Turned MY Mourning into Dancing" was one of them, and the theme for the wedding.
My friend Darell married again after he and his new wife have both been widowed about 2-1/2 years. It was a casual wedding, many people in jeans. The bride just wore a nice skirt and shirt, the groom wore jeans. Their children and their spouses stood up for them, three of them holding babies. So I guess that was about 14 people all standing at the front. The chairs were set up in the large atrium at our church, with tables decorated and ready to have those chairs brought around them after the vows. A son of each of them "officiated", the vows were simple and profound. When Jeremy asked Darell to say "I Do" he kissed Annette first and hugged her and said "I Do" in the embrace. I haven't cried at a wedding so much in years.
As I had posted a month or so ago, this groom was married to my college best friend who died when we were 28. I got to know his second wife just before she became sick with cancer, and grew to love her through that long illness. At the reception today, Annette said, "We NEED to become good friends!" That was exactly what I had been thinking. She seems to be a real, genuine, down to earth neat Christian lady. I can just feel good things for both of us in our future.
Hubby and I didn't get up and dance in the reception, but we're making plans to go out to a country dance held every Friday, with about 6 other couples that were at the wedding today.

work frustrations

I hardly know anyone with a perfect job. That's why they call it "WORK", not "PLAY". My job suits me just fine, and I've been a nurse 30 years. This particular position has been mine for 15 of those years, but it is certainly not a stagnant entity, in its description or requirements. I'm a nurse. I take care of patients. That's the bottom line. For the first several years in this job I worked 2 weeks in first recovery where people were awakening from unconsciousness and 2 in second recovery where people were getting ready to go home. It was Day Surgery. We had
Tonsils, Teeth and Toenails". Minor surgeries that anyone could go home from after an hour or two.
An independent day surgery unit opened just down the street, so they do a mojority of those little cases now. So we started doing bigger cases to keep our O.R.'s busy. And many of those patients would go home as well. But many had to be wheeled to the hospital adjacent to us to spend the night. (We're all the same hospital, just our building is connected by an above ground tunnel.) So eventually they decided that since so many bigger cases were being done in our little unit, and the main surgery was not being utilized fully since so many day surgeries were being done in our unit and the place down the street, that we should merge.

In January all the surgeries began to be done in the "Main O.R." Anyone having surgery minor enough to go home from would come back through the tunnel to us to get ready for discharge. It's a crazy system. Pre-op now gets all patients ready in our building, trucks them all to the main and half of them truck back to go home.
Then the nursing shortage hit us in all it's force. This is a large hospital with lots of rooms, many beds, sheets on those beds, and supplies to take care of a large number of patients easily. Only there aren't enough nurses to keep all those beds open. Any patient who is even remotely a candidate for going home after the surgery comes back to us. No matter if it takes all day and they have to sit in a recliner until they feel like going. No matter if all our recliners are full and we have to spill out into the room that used to be first recovery. No matter if we had to stay overtime to wait for them to feel better. No matter if we had plans that evening. No matter if we thought we'd like to have a life outside the hospital. The patients could not go back to the hospital to stay in a room for 24 or so hours because there were no rooms available. (No nurses available) So we stay later and later. We try to rotate shifts so some can go home on time and the others can be on overtime. But even the early nurses are stuck there if there's a room full of patients waiting to meet discharge qualifications.

MEANWHILE somewhere during all this we changed our "Treatment Room" functioning from little injections for pain done by an anesthesiologist, to chemotherapy, blood transfusions, antibiotic infusions, other injections not paid for by insurance or not covered if done in doctor's offices. We have 6 recliners, can squeeze one more in the middle of the room, and can spread out into pre-op if they have room or into one of the vacant O.R.'s if needed. The chemo and blood transfusions could be done with a patient in a bed, but once again, there are no beds (NO NURSES). We have been able to increase our treatment room staff from one to three nurses. After all it is a Mon-Fri job, 8 hours a day. That's technically 8 hours a day. I've worked 5 hours overtime already and haven't gone in yet today. I'm helping in the treatment room while a new nurse is orienting. I just pray she doesn't get as disillusioned as I am any time soon.

OH! One major frustration is the computerized paper work. Here's one example: Yesterday a doctor's office called and asked if we could do a Deca-Durabolin injection. Simple intramuscular shot. Insurance won't cover it to be done there. So I said OK. I spent 15 minutes asking the patient about his whole history, allergies, a page for a list of medications taken at home, including the name of his pharmacy with address and phone#, a page for pain evaluation vital signs before and after, then after he leaves, I have to go enter it all in the computer. There's a screen for vitals, a screen for admission, including who to contact in case of emergency (forgot to ask that) a screen for assessment. AND THE SCREEN FOR THE INJECTION DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A SELECTION FOR WHERE I GAVE THE SHOT. So I have to do a type written narritive.

Did I mention that I need to be at a wedding rehearsal at 6:00 tonight? I hope I can make it. I work 8:30 to 5:00, but I got off at 7:00 two nights this week.
We even have our annual inventory after all the patients are gone tonight.

I am so frustrated. I'm having a hot flash. I will be late to work if I keep typing.
Sharon. I think you're the only one who reads this. Sorry about the rant.

a page turned

Another concert is over. This time I was one of only 3 singers, instead of one of 40. Very different dynamics. I felt SO relaxed, and it showed in my singing. I intentionally did not try to perfectly memorize these 4 songs. I carried my music onstage and placed it in a stand, and even though I rarely looked at it, just having the pages in front of me relaxed me.
The audience was not very big, probably 35 to 40 people. I was a little disappointed, but not surprised. For one thing, there's a minor flood going on in Abilene and many people had been told to prepare to be evacuated. Turned out to be unnecessary, but I think it affected our attendance.
I had high complements from all concerned, and people I trust to tell me the truth told me I've never sung better. Some of my success is in choice of songs. There's no need for me to sing way out of my comfort zone. (Reminds me of the title of a magazine article I wrote) I did hit one high A, and it was fine, but that's not my specialty. I feel perfectly happy with the E-F-G range for high notes. They are clear, ringing and spinning like they should. I am almost always on perfect pitch. No brag, just fact. God gave me the gift of being able to hear the flat notes either someone else or I sing. And I usually don't go flat.
Some day I want to do a solo recital again. I have many more songs I'd like to sing, and may even vary from classical music to some old and new love songs. I just need to figure out how to publicize it and get more people in the audience. The post cards to every person I could think of were effective, but so costly. And postage has gone up even more. The programs are very expensive to print. I think my printing bill last year was just under $500. Getting sponsors was the only thing that saved me. And that is so.....how shall I say....degrading.... humiliating. I want to not have to ask anyone for money, and I want them all to be begging me to sing, sitting at home longing for an invitation they can hardly wait to get. So what is the solution? I need to ask professional singers how they pull it off.

anxiety

I had an anxiety dream about the concert coming up Saturday. Couldn't find my shoes that go with my formal gown. Couldn't find my car keys to drive home from the recital hall to get them. I was really glad to wake up, and thought at the time I wasn't really worried about the program, but it is starting to creep up on me. For one thing, work continues to be a major frustration. I never know if I can get off on time. I have dress rehearsal tomorrow evening starting around 4:30, and have asked to leave at 4:00 if possible. But tonight I worked 2 1/2 hours overtime. Not by choice, by any means. So I will be tense all day tomorrow, worrying that I'll be late for dress rehearsal.

I really believe everything will turn out just fine. I know my music really well. My voice is in pretty good shape, despite not being able to practice for 2 days. I DO know where my shoes are. Things will fall into place. I hope.

Part of my dream was thinking of how to ask my friends to donate money for our expenses. I made a little sign that says "Donations Appreciated" for the entry table. We'll split any "profits". Our accompanist is charging us $50 each. That's another source of anxiety.

plunging in

I've taken the plunge, literally, and begun to swim again. I have gained weight during the last year or so, to a point I just can't stand it any more. And I can't fit in my clothes. My arms are tight in my sleeves.
Walking is the exercise I've preferred all these years, but it does nothing for my upper body. And my knees are starting to wear out. I would not notice during a 3 mile walk that they hurt, but stopping to get into the car I could hardly bend my knees at first. Then I'd have pain enough to take Tylenol before bedtime.
So swimming seems to be the solution. It's just making myself go. I have to travel about 5 miles to the YMCA. I have to carry along all the equipment to change clothes and shower. It's got to be worth it. I noticed the first evening that my arm muscles are really being used, and even my hips notice the difference. Now if I can keep it up I may start noticing body shape changes. I hope I can make myself disciplined enough to repeat the routine at least 4 evenings a week. We'll see.

so sad

My heart is heavy today. There's a dark cloud hovering over our work place. I often see my friends in tears or find myself weeping softly. A coworker my age, with whom I've worked many years, is dying. We had worked side by side only a couple of months ago. Then suddenly she was diagnosed with blockage of both carotid arteries. She had the first one cleaned out about a month ago and did just fine. Then Friday the second surgery was done to remove the blockage and she had terrible complications. She has never awakened from the surgery. She has had a massive stroke and is essentially comatose. I am having a tough time with it all. I hate to see her husband in anguish, and can hardly stand to think of her grand son losing her. He's only 9 and has partly been raised by his granny. But I already miss my friend! I seriously doubt that she'll recover from this. But I still pray for a myricle. Dear Lord, heal her....

Another very special wedding

One of these days I’m going to write a book. But for now, a story.
My college friend and I were bridesmaids for each other in 1971. She contracted a rare form of cancer which quickly took her life when we were 28. A few years later her husband remarried and we lost touch for a while. After we reconnected I got to know his second wife. She was quite a woman. I really grew to love her. Then she too was struck with cancer and fought it a very long time. I sang "His Eye Is On The Sparrow" at her funeral. That was 2-1/2 years ago. Now he is going to marry again, a woman who has been widowed about as long as he has. I’ll be singing in a quartet at this wedding.
The phone call requesting my involvement in another major event in his life made me realize again how life is a journey. We just never know where God will take us. The road may not be smooth, it actually seems to zig-zag sometimes, but He walks beside us and even carries us over the rough patches. And the people who walk alongside us are precious companions on this road. We are in this together. We keep each other on the path. We celebrate or mourn, but we keep on walking, realizing how very short the journey really is. We point each other to the goal ahead of us all.

another recital!

My teacher, Shelly has asked me to sing in her recital. Her other adult student, Sheila has also been included. So it's the Shelly Sheila Sarah Sensational Summer Singing program. I'll sing a duet with each of them. I'll also have at least one aria and a spiritual and possibly an art song.
It will be low-key and fairly casual as recitals go.
Come one, come all.
At the Williams Center at the local Christian University. I'm sure those who know me will know where. Seven pm 8/18

Pageant

Tonight Hubby and I went to the Easter Pageant that a local church puts on every year. I was in this production for 8 years until 3 years ago. REALLY miss it!! Sitting in the audience was great this evening, though. The choir, orchestra, and the actors did their usual really great job.
I was singing along with a few of the songs (softly, I promise) but missing being in the choir so badly. They have streamlined the script and the action very well. No dead space in the dialogue. Very smooth.
It is the 25th year this church has done and Easter Pageant, and it gets better every year. The first couple of years it was at the church, but has been at the Civic Center ever since. They build a huge set which is like steps of varying sizes up off the stage, nicely designed. Tomorrow after the matinee they will disassemble the whole thing and put it in storage again till next year. The civic center will be used for their Easter worship service, so that all the members and visitors can worship together, instead of in 3 services.
Did I mention that I miss it very much? I am starting to seriously consider getting back into it next year, and told many people that while I was there this evening. Probably after my recital is over I'll be looking for another outlet for my singing. Just am not sure I am willing to sacrifice my Wednesday nights at Highland for all of the spring. We'll see.