A Foreign Exchange Christian returns home

I'm a foreign Exchange Christian. That's my claim to fame. I even wrote and published an article about this concept. The deal is that I have always loved to sing, and never had enough opportunities in my church. I began singing in the choir in the church down the street just to have the musical experience that was lacking in my life. What began innocently enough developed into a love affair with God, fed by my love of music.
The fact that the majority of the Christians in the choir speak a different dialect of churchy language didn't deter me. I learned to speak with their accent. The fact that I carried lots of baggage with me was no hindrance to the hospitality of my host family. I learned to navigate in my new territory while realizing all along that my citizenship was back at my home church. The one without a choir.
Now I am realizing it is time to return home. Not that I don't love my adoptive "country" and want to maintain a strong relationship with my new family, but home is where I belong. My church family is looking to me for leadership, in a small way. I'm on the praise team every 3rd week now, limiting the Sundays I can sing in the choir with my second church family. Other conflicts (work and another chorus) are taking precedence over my adventure in that foreign "country".
So what did I learn in my prolonged (10 year) sojourn in another church? I learned the language unique to that denomination, but it really isn't much different than mine. I learned that Christians are Christians no matter which of these churches they prefer. I learned that the many styles of music that stir my soul and add to the worship experience are on equal footing with God.
I brought back lots of souvenirs: new songs in my heart, and even some shared with my home congregation; pictures in my mind and scrapbook of my many new friends; a fresh, renewed faith in the God who led me to both of these places and continues to lead me in the path He has chosen.
Lord, keep my eyes on the path!

Chorus

I'm on a high, just finishing weekly chorus practice. It was great to be back with friends I haven't seen much since the spring. People who share this love for good choral music performed as flawlessly as we can.

I had doubts all summer about our new director. He didn't impress me at all in his audition for us in the spring. He brought music that I had done in Jr. High. But I think I'm actually going to like his style. He's growing on me. He has brought more difficult music for us than I expected and is working with us intensely, not allowing any slackers. With the 8 years of chorus behind me directed by our former leader, I have the confidence to tackle almost anything. We will soon begin working on 15 opera choruses for the spring concert. That sounds wonderful. The choruses in La Traviata were challenging and fun to learn. And even more fun to perform in those great costumes.

This has given me new motivation to keep up the quest for a voice teacher who can work with me on Saturdays or Sunday afternoons. My teacher for the last 2 years is no longer available. I have found and developed this musical ability and confidence fairly late in my life, so there's always a little feeling of urgency to push myself as much as I can for the time I have remaining.

It is hard to describe the thrill I get from singing, and working hard enough to do it well. Of course there's the ego boost when someone tells me I'm good or when we know our concert music was beautiful. But it goes beyond that to truly intangible, inexpressible senses of accomplishment, of connection with my emotions in the music, of connection with God, who made me this way. What unspeakable joy to be able to use a gift that was given to me by Him, just to make me happy and to glorify himself!

I used to think I had the ideal job. I am a registered nurse. My job lets me be caring and nurturing, to act out my Christianity. It's challenging in mental, emotional, and physical aspects. I have the privilege of interacting with intelligent and caring colleagues. I am encouraged to be flexible and think independently. It's a complex, interesting and very challenging profession. I try to make my decisions in the best interest of my patients. In many ways my decisions also must benefit my employer.
Lately I'm finding myself more and more frustrated with this particular job. Not because I don't love it and want to keep it, but because my HOURS are becoming so unpredictable. I work in the Post Anesthesia Care Unit. Our hospital is a very busy one. We have adequate staff, and we all work 8-hour shifts, days. Sounds great, right? But those days are getting longer and longer. We usually have a full schedule of surgeries, and many things can delay or lengthen the procedures or the time needed for a patient's recovery. Today I worked 11 hours straight. Should have been done by 5:3o, got off at 8:45pm.
If I had no social life, I wouldn't mind the longer hours, with overtime pay. My kids are grown and my husband can live without me some evenings. But I would like to be able to keep appointments in the evening. I have, in the last few years, found that I can sing well, and would like to be able to pursue this very important aspect of my life.
I would like to continue voice lessons on a weekly basis, but it is a rare voice teacher who will stay at the university to teach me in the evening. I can't schedule a regular appointment, say every Monday at 4:00, because invariably something will complicate my day at work and I won't end up getting off untill 6:00 or so. Voice teachers also usually require several hours practice each week, which is necessary for the proper development of the voice.
I would like to sing at a restaurant regularly on Friday evenings, but there's no way the owner could depend on me being there. I had planned to sing with my friends in the church choir this evening, but they were finished by the time I got off. I cannot audition for a solo, because of the likelihood of not being at rehearsal at the proper time.
All day today I was discussing this with my friends, who are almost as frustrated with the situation as I am but for different reasons. They have young children who need to be picked up from school, or who just need their Mom in the evening. Many of us have aging parents who need to be looked in on regularly, but want to be asleep by early evening.
I don't have any solution for my problem, except to take some other job-- most likely a boring desk job using my nursing education, but no interaction with patients. But it would have more regular hours.
I'm praying about it. I hope that God will open some other door for me.

so frustrating, learning something new.. .. This whole blog thing is mystifying to me. Forgive me if sometimes what ends up in cyberspace doesn't make sense. Chalk it up to my inability to edit in this new venue. ss

I feel like I'm seeing a friend die twice. When we were both 28, my best friend died of a very rare form of cancer. I was in shock the whole time she was sick--I didn't do nearly enough for her-- I have many, many regrets. Her husband remarried a couple of years later, and now wife #2 who has become a friend, is battling cancer, too! Dejavu all over again. Only this time I'm older and wiser. Or am I? I haven't done near enough for her, although I pray for her daily. I don't know quite what to say, even if I AM a nurse. Deep down am I afraid? Afraid to say something awkward, afraid I will once again be close to someone I know will be taken away? I have expressed my love and concern for her, and tried to be a good listener. It's not enough.
I try not to dwell on regrets, but will always have many. I regret that I have not allowed myself to grow closer to more people, to really know their whole stories, to allow them to know me in all my struggles and weaknesses. I regret that I didn't spend more time with Carolyn before she died. May I never have that regret regarding Mariann.
Today I had my right knee injected, and came to an agreement with the doctor that it needs to be "scoped". Getting old is not fun (of course my left knee is just as old and is fine!) But aging is better than the alternative. I think.
Sometimes I am jealous of Carolyn, thinking how she is just sitting at Jesus' feet and doesn't have to mess with struggles, regret, disease or questions.

Living near ACU has always been energizing to us. I get a little depressed when the semesters end and can feel the energy in the air when the campus begins to fill up again. Some of our neighbors don't like the kids renting houses next to them, but I find it to be a blessing. Maybe it's because one of my sons rented the house across the street with 5 other club members, maybe it's because my youngest is still in college. Most of the young people are an asset to the neighborhood, at least in the fun and energy they add to our street.
I'm excited about the beginning-of-school church service tomorrow. Especially the Freshmen need all the love and support they can get from us. Who knows which one of them may end up being a real friend or needing an older friend. I love fresh beginnings. One more chance to get it right, to reach out better than I did last year.

I'm off to the park

Taking a mandatory day off. Oh, I could work if i wanted to, but I'd lose my PTO. Use it or lose it by the end of August. Great business policy for the hospital, not so great for every employee. But I'll make lemonade from that lemon and head off to seclusion in the park. Love to just sit in the woods and read, meditate, sleep, whatever. Maybe a new song will pop into my head again. Maybe God will talk to me. Maybe I'll think an original thought for a change. Maybe I'll get chiggers....the possibilities are endless!

falling stars, Rising stars?

Most nights at 2 AM I am so sound asleep I don't even hear thunder. Last night I set my alarm for 2 to have the best viewing time for the meteor shower that hits us every year on 8/11. Saw several in the 30 minutes I managed to stay awake in the back yard. Had I been in a darker area, had I a better pair of eyes, if there weren't so many things to block my view, I might have seen dozens. But that was enough to remind me of other star parties. Years ago we drove out out to Ft. Davis on the same date, viewed Saturn through a large telescope near the observatory, then dragged the kids and Gary out of bed at the same hour. I sat on the car and exclaimed about the light show, while the boys snored inside it. They'll never let me forget it. Another time 10 or 11 years ago when we went out to our 2 acres in the country near Coronado's Camp and watched the sunset and the stars falling just a little later, with Shawna and Thayne, stretched out on quilts on that soft grass. Remember?
I kept thinking of the songs I'm working on. "Stars Fell on Alabama", "Blue Moon"and "Moon Over Miami" among them. Now to get up the courage to go sing them at Spano's or somewhere.