retirement?

Retirement is beginning to look good to me. I don't really dread getting old, as I'm nearly there anyway. Last night I sang for a bunch of "old" people at a retirement village who seem to be having the time of their lives, all socializing together and having so much fun. Their fun was in their own performances, not necessarily in listening to mine. Most of them seemed to be getting around pretty well and in fair health. Smiles all around. Still interested in learning new things.
One of these days I'd love to quit my full time job and just sing when I get a chance and work a day or 2 every week. Probably will never be able to afford the luxury accomodations those folks have, but it is a thought....

tilting teeter totter

OK, I'm back up again from my self inflicted lashing with a wet noodle. I got a call on Tuesday from the activities director at a retirement home (looks more like a resort I'd like to live in). They are having a variety show Thurs. nite and I'm invited. Don't know yet if I'll sing a medley of old torch songs or an aria. Still to choose. No money yet, just exposure.
Yesterday a friend called to ask me to sing in her wedding in May. Several songs. Our quartet will be the only music for the wedding. One guy's a professional singer in NYC. He'll do a solo.
Then today I got a nice response from one of the wedding planners I had contacted regarding my singing in weddings they are planning. Nothing specific right now, just that I'll be in her file.

Life is worth living again. Doesn't take much to tilt me one way or the other.

This evening I'm going to a recital by one of my young college friends and singing partners. That's where I wish I could have been 35 years ago, but I would not be having these wonderful learning and stretching experiences in this part of my life if that had happened.

I'm fighting depression the last couple of days.

#1 I didn't feel liike I did my best at the funeral for my friend's husband Monday. So-- #2 I'm feeling like No one would like to hear me sing, so I feel like-- #3 I've made a mistake sending out my cards asking people to hire me to sing and --#4 I shouldn't have asked to sing my Italian aria at the talent show at our retreat Saturday. No matter that people have told me I did well at both events, I'm feeling like a fraud. I think they just say that to be polite. Then I feel like if they really knew the real me they would stay far away. If they knew I have these thoughts they'd think I'm wierd and stay farther away. Then #5 creeps in-- I think I should call the Lay Director for the Walk to Emmaus in November and tell her I cannot be an assistant Lay Director. No one could be less qualified than I am.

Bear with me. I go through this periodically. I hope I'll get over it and be my usual confident self soon. Last night's sermon helped. Mike talked about God's faithfulness and his call for me to be faithful. I think it was an answer. I need to do the things that Glorify God with the gifts he has given me, rather than hiding my light "under a bushel"

campolo

I attended the Just People dinner last night. Tony Campolo is a really great speaker. Entertaining, but has a meaningful message. I will be looking for Jesus in faces around me today. That daily grind of seeing so many strangers who are really in need...will I also be Jesus to them?

Confidence comes gradually

Ten years ago I never would have believed anyone telling me I would be volunteering for a solo, much less gigs like this. It does make me a little nervous but I have been really encouraged to do it by my new voice teacher. And little things along the way in the last few years have boosted my confidence. The girls in the PDBC choir used to "fight" to get to stand in front of me at pageant and other performances because I'm always on pitch and know my notes and most of the words. When the Classical Chorus did Bach's "St. John Passion" about 4 years ago the director chose me to be in an ensemble to sing with the soloist (who later that year became my voice teacher). He encouraged me a lot and just having lessons boosted my confidence and got me used to singing out -- singing for someone to actually hear me alone. He was doing "La Traviata" and encouraged me to do that. It was huge in my development. One of the opera chorus members got a gig singing animal songs at the rescue the animals benefit and got 4 others of us to do it with her. Getting $100 for that was a BIG deal! She and I also sang at a wedding ("How Beautiful" acappella). I sang for the judges at the NATS conference 2 years ago, then was in charge of the music for the Highland Ladies' Day and sang a solo "Give Me Jesus" ( which I had sung for NATS) and a duet and a trio, along with several songs in the ensemble. Then this January at the Classical chorus dinner I sang "Mon Coeur S'ouvre a ta voix" and "Our Love is Here to Stay" and loved it and so did everyone else. That convinced me I am a quality singer and will not embarrass myself, and I'm capable of doing something for money. Oh, yes-- I had also planned that Valentine party for Maryanne and hired an accompanist and worked on all those love songs. Even though we were unable to do that party, I was prepared and confident enough to do it. Now I'll sing them for someone else. I hope. I have sent my "resume" to several party-planners and organizations that might hire me. We'll see--ss

Advertising

I got inspired and drafted a letter today to mail out to places that might hire singers. I need "payin' gigs" to support my habit. Drug addicts usually have to resort to a life of crime to support their habit. My drug of choice is music, and performing literally gives me endorphins. A natural high. So I need an extra income to pay for music books and lessons and my accompanist. Not that I really need the money. I'll keep my day job. But being hired is also affirming to the hiree, and I do need the affirmation. Always have, always will. Just the way I'm wired.
So here's part of the letter:
I list the organizations I have sung with, then a glimpse into my repertoir:
--arias from classical music such as "Caro Mio Ben"
--sacred music such as "The Lord's Prayer"
--old classic love songs such as "Moonglow"
--wedding favorites such as "How Beautiful"
--many other popular songs such as "Memory"
--patriotic favorites such as "The National Anthem"

hope I get some business....